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Dating Tips and Relationship Advice
Can Taking A Break Strengthen Your Relationship?
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This article has 211 comments so far!

  1. Craig says —

    okay.. so.. here goes my story. Lemme see if i can get it all in here. a few weeks ago i noticed my girlfriend of six years(and baby momma of 4 years) was .. becoming distant. so i started asking her whats wrong? are you okay? long day? you know.. stuff like that, trying to figure out what was up. after a week or two of that she finally told me she needed some space, and some time to think about her life, she felt like she was unhappy and she said she had been feeling this way for a couple months. so, i was all like.. are you serios? i thought we where doing great, everyone that knows us thought we were doing great. anyway, i kind of accused her of cheating because she started being all jumpy if she was on the phone and i walked in, and she was sitting outside for HOURS everyday after work "thinking". let me give you a little more detail here. like i said together for 6 years and we have a three year old little girl that neither of us can live without. like any couple we had our problems but it seemed we always work through them (for a while) but then they return a month or a year later. so, she has always talked about getting married for as long as i can remember.. and i had some old school loans and was in debt. i told her that was the reason we couldn't get married yet. but after i cleared all that up i would be more than happy to get married and spend the rest of my life with her. and we eventually got rid of the debt. so, we decided that we would move 5 hours away from everything we were used to and start a new life together, without any interference from our families. we move, i get back in school, baby girl gets to go to head start, the girlfriend gets a job. we were doing great (in my eyes) so.. she said something about a wedding like.. the colors or something and i said.. well.. that all sounds nice but.. what if we used this color? and i haven't heard anything about a wedding since. anyway, after our big falling out last week. we dealt with the custody situation had something notarized by the state. decided to let kiddo go visit family back home for a week or two to straighten all this out and her not have to see or hear any of it. so finally we get back home, i come back to the house we lived in and she goes and stays with her new friend. he is a guy but she swears to me that they are just friends and i really do believe her. (I may be an idiot for that.. but i believe her). she says she is confused about everything in her life and she just needs time to think. all of her things are still here even though i have offered to bring them to her and tried helping her figure out how to get them to her new place. she lets me talk about us but she doesn't say to much. i told her i feel like we have both bottled up so many little things over the years and didn't communicate as well as we should have. she agrees and says that she still loves me but she needs time to decide if she wants to still be with me. anyway..we are trying to be friends and she even told me that she may move back in as a room mate. or she may even come home. she just has to figure it out. so we finally got everything worked out, neither of us have to worry about baby girl, shes at a friends, im at home, kid is not around for a couple weeks. i was with her for a bit yesterday and she still seems distant but i feel like she can't really let go of me. we have been through SO much together and i am not just saying that we really have. i told her yesterday before she left i said okay… now that we have all of this worked out. you go find yourself and let me know whats up. she said okay i will call you in a few days or something. i said.. with some bad news or not. kind of as a joke. and her reply was im not sure and she sounded miserable when she said it. but i totally agree with her side of the story and i understand that this is what she feels like she has to do right now. and i told her its fine .. i don't agree with her moving in with a guy she met a month ago. but that is more so to do with my child. i understand she is a grown woman and can do as she pleases.. it is just mind blowing. what do you guys think? if you need more details i have no problem sharing them all . thanks

  2. ~KNOWTHYSELF says —

    Hi folks,

    Few things to remember
    1. women and men are different and these differences are to be embraced, if you learn what the differences are and how your mate should be treated then you will find your relationships more fulfilling.

    2.women dont treat your man like a woman and men dont treat your woman like a man, different strokes for the different genders, get it?

    3.Emotions might be strong indeed but their not facts, write things down sometimes it helps to get outside of your head..kinda like on here!

    4.accept that you cannot control everything that happens in your life, however you can choose how you will let the things that happen affect you.

    5.and lastly but def not leastly, put yourself in situations to promote positive feelings, it makes life so much more endurable and sometimes even pretty darn great!

    I've had my share of breakups and breaks, some of them were beneficial, and some of them flat out sucked, what I've taken from each of them is I've learned that much more about relationships and myself.

    ~KNOWTHYSELF~

  3. Kay says —

    Hi. I just recently discovered this blog and having been going through some things in my relationship; I found reading these stories to be helpful in such an unsettling time. My boyfriend and I are both 21 and in college. During the school semester, we both work and go to school full-time and it feels like our relationship has changed since we’ve gotten together. We met at orientation before starting college and were friends before we started dating. We’ve been together for about 1-1/2 years now.

    I’m not saying that our relationship is full of problems or anything but there are some issues that have always been somewhat of a constant thing for us. I already feel like what I’m going to say is going to sound really bad when I get it out. My boyfriend and my father do not get along; well, they have met but it hasn’t really gone very well at all to be honest. My dad has a Type-A personality and I feel like there’s nothing I can do to change that. My boyfriend doesn’t really like my father because of this and he doesn’t really want to come over my house. Also, my boyfriend hasn’t met my mom [in person] yet. I tried a long time ago, in the early stages, for him to come over and meet her but it just hasn’t worked out. My mom works 9-5 Monday through Friday and arranging for them to meet just hasn’t worked out. I feel like the relationship between my parents and I, the three of us getting into arguments and fights (verbally), about this just creates a mess at home and since I’m in college and cannot afford to live on my own (as much as I would like to sometimes), I don’t have anywhere else to go.

    My boyfriend and I have continued our relationship despite this, but now that it’s the summer and we’re off from school, we haven’t really seen each other much or hung out. My dad doesn’t want me to go over his house which really infuriates me. I know that if I bring up this topic at home, we’ll just get into a fight about it and argue; nothing good will really come out of it. Because of these issues, my relationship just hasn’t really felt the same. I love my boyfriend and care about him a lot. I feel like I can say that I’m the type of girl who goes out of her way to appease everyone (even to settle situations) just to avoid conflict and I would do anything for my boyfriend. We’ve tossed around the idea of taking a break but have not done it yet. Usually we just talk things through whenever the going gets rough and get through the tough patches together.

    At times (mostly all the time), I feel like the negative issues of our situation are all my fault and I just get so angry and depressed sometimes. I really feel miserable sometimes and my boyfriend and I are just distant. I feel like I can’t make him laugh anymore like he used to and I think that our attraction to one another is really strained now. I’m willing to do whatever I can to make this work with him and I’m just not sure if a break would help or hurt our relationship right now. If we were to break up, I really feel like I would just take a step back from everything and try to see things differently, no matter how much they would hurt. He is my best friend and we have a lot in common. I just don’t want to hold him back though. Aside from the idea of taking a break, I wouldn’t be indifferent to the idea of maybe talking to a counselor or professional, if that’s another option that could be explored. I’m just not sure what to do. Any advice is appreciated and welcome.

  4. ~KNOWTHYSELF says —

    well back from break and we broke up, it was for the best.

    here's what i learned, it's neccessary although difficult to be honest with oneself, and if a person goes through the pain they can move through it and past it..if a person refuses to acknowledge the truth and avoids doing what they know they must do..suffering is sure to envelope them..once a person is in the suffering stage it can be even more painful then pain.

    breakups happen..we all go through them, take comfort in that, what your experiencing I myself have experienced as well.

    Take care folks

  5. Sarah says —

    My guy and I have been together for 5 years now. We went to school together and I know he's the one for me. Before meeting him, I dated on and off and had flings but nothing serious. He, however, has never been with anyone but me. We finished school and both moved home with our parents until we find full time jobs and can move. In the past few weeks, he started getting distant until he finally said "I'm not ready for this relationship." he said he's scared because he's never been with anyone else so how is he supposed to know I'm right if he's never had wrong. He's my best friend and up until this last couple weeks, everything had been fine. We always struggled with holidays and summers in college because we live 4 hours apart, but we always made it worked. He had interviews in Denver and in Texas and told me if he got the job, he wanted me to come and I told him that's what I wanted to. Well after 3 days of crying, we're on a break. He said he needs time to figure out if I am who he wants to spend his life with or if he needs to date to see what else is out there. I'm crushed. Not only is he my boyfriend, but my absolute best friend. I saw myself marrying him and now I am dealing with this. I'm terrified he's going to choose th dating scene, meet someone new and never look back. Has anyone been in this situation and can offer some words of advice? Thank you.

  6. Becky says —

    Hi,
    My iv'e been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 3 yrs and 1 month and for the last couple months maybe a year we have been arguing and fighting about the littlest things and we are both uncontrollably jealous. were both very tired of the arguments but we don't want to lose each other..I love her as much as she loves me. we decided to take a break for about 2 weeks to see if we can fix ourselves in order to fix our relationship. but I'm not entirely sure if thats going to happen. I am really scared that we might end up losing each other in these 2 weeks. I know i will miss her greatly but not sure if taking a break is the right things to do. Please help me or give me some advice. Thanks

  7. JG says —

    Hi, I have been with my current bf for 4.5 years and recently things have gotten off track for us. At least for me, I know that I am not happy with all his actions. Although we have always tried to break up a few times but was never successful. He comes to get me back and I always give in. I have tried talking to him but communication is yet another problem between us, apart from trust. He doesn't like to listen to whatever I say and I think he thinks I'm a nag. I am trying to communicate with him but often end up being very angry and losing it. Perhaps that is why he is not interested to chat.

    Recently, he has does things which broke my trust even more. As always, I have always been insecure and he knows it. I get jealous very easily and tend to be very doubtful when it comes to girls, especially those he are not close to. But I believe I have toned down as the years have gone.

    He repeats his mistake and sometimes I just feel that he's toying with me and there is no commitment from him. I feel that he's still immature and is not ready for a long term commitment. However, I believe he does love me at times and he does bring me to family gatherings, hold my hand in front of his friends etc. Such minor gestures I understand speak volume.

    He is on the playful side while I am quite a serious person. I won't tolerate any nonsense from my bf and when I flare up, it does get quite scary that I'm beginning to think that I have some very serious anger management problems or a split personality.

    I am always advocating for a break up but end up not being able to do so because I love him dearly. He claims that he loves me yet I don't understand why would he hurt someone he claims he love. I feel that I can't trust his words anymore because his actions sometimes prove otherwise. He doesn't wish to break either and always disagree when I advocate for that. He's 26 and I'm 24 by the way.

    I want this relationship to work out, but am not sure about him since I don't see much effort coming from him to get things worked out. So I am thinking of taking a break but we have made some advance plans e.g. signing up for courses and an upcoming short getaway. We do have a joint bank account as well. All these impedes us from officially breaking up/taking a break/stopping all contacts. It is really difficult. I am hurting inside.

    I understand that taking a break can result to a break up but if he can't change for the better like being less playful with other girls, then I certainly do not wish to put up with these nonsense any further.

    I am just so lost and have no other solutions. I am stuck. We are stuck.

    Please help… Thanks.

  8. PK says —

    My boyfriend and I have been together for the past year and a half. I asked him a few days ago what he saw as a future between us, and he said that he didn't see us married. We see our futures differently obliviously. He is 24 and I am 20. He says we are just way too different of people. He says that he doesn't want to get married in another six years so I don't really know why he is worrying about marriage now because I don't want to get married either for another six years.

    I have cheated in the past on ex boyfriends (as well as bee cheated on) and have told him this, he has been cheated on in the past so he doesn't trust me. I have never once cheated on him though and I keep telling him this but he can't seem to trust any girl now.

    It has been a long distance relationship for the past year (we only live 2 hours away from each other though) and I will be moving back to where he is in a few months.

    I've asked him a ton of questions, he says he still loves me and cares about me, but it's just not the same any more. It hurts when he says things like this to me.

    He recently stated that he feels stressed out in the relationship, and feels less stressed doing classes. I don't understand how he can be stressed out in the relationship when we barely talk often (though we do talk once a day) and I barely come into town (gas prices are killing me). He wanted to take a break but I feel that we are already in one given the situation and distance we have between us.

    He is finding faults in everything I do! I just don't know what to do. I love him. I have tried sitting down and talking about it but it doesn't seem to work.

    My friends say I should just end things, but I just can't seem to. I love him too much.

    Please help! I don't know what to do. Thanks

  9. Lauren says —

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and 5 months. For the first year and 3 months, our relationship was great. I believe we are both very much in love. We hung out at least 4-5 days a week and texted constantly. We live seperately now (only about 20 minutes away), but did live together for a time when I was at school in house with other people. We've gone through stresses together, but always seem to rebound quickly because we are there for each other. He is the sweetest man I know, and I honestly feel like we are destined to be together.

    I should probably preface this by saying that prior to us getting involved, he had gone through some serious depression issues and was hospitalized. His brother had a brain tumor (he is in remission) and so because of the stress he's been in and out of college. He now sees a therapist and is on an anti-depressant. He is a year older than me (I'm 24, he's 25) and he's always struggled with low self-esteem/self worth. His family life was distant and unloving mostly, and he said that he never felt love until he met me. I do spend a lot of my time reassuring him of our relationship and that I love him. I'm his longest relationship, and he is mine.

    I have a very stressful editing job and he's still in school, finishing out his last semester. He's currently working on a big Capstone project that will be put on display for the whole school. I know he is very nervous and stressed about that.

    About a month ago, he started having some doubts about our future. He said he wasn't sure about where I fit in. He knows that he loves me and cares about me, but he feels there are still things about himself that he needs to figure out. He feels that our relationship adds stress to his life, because he's constantly worried about making me happy. He wants our relationship to be perfect. So I suggested we take some time and not see each other as much.

    Well, we took about a week and hung out/communicated less. At the conclusion, he came over and broke up with me, saying that he though it was the best thing right now. He was very emotional, crying, and kept saying that he loves me. The next day he texted me because he was worried about me. We agreed to see each other and talk. We were very passionately intimate with each other after I read a letter I had written for him. We never discussed getting back together, but I kind of just assumed we were.

    Another week passes and we hung out a couple times (less, but still had a wonderful time when we did). We communicated less, but still every day. He seemed physically distant at times, which bugged me a little. Usually he wouldn't hesitate to hold my hand, or rub my back, but now I could sense hesitation. He asked if we could talk again and said that he thought we should continue with our relationship, just make more time for personal space. He said he loves me and spending time with me, but it would just help him if he didn't have to worry about the future right now.

    Everything seemed fine and dandy. I made an effort to not be as "present" for him. Then yesterday, after meeting with his therapist, he asked if we could talk. He said that needs time and is confused about himself and our relationship. He said he thought we should break up for now. He feels like we are best friends, and doesn't know if we have a romantic relationship anymore. I said, are you not sexually attracted to me anymore? He said no, that's not it. He says he think I'm wonderful and beautiful. He said he doesn't feel attractive and he feels undeserving. He said that he feels like he can't be completely comfortable with me, because he isn't with himself.

    He then asked if we could lay down together and cuddle. We ended up having sex again. He maintained that he loves me and thinks a break would be good for us. That way we could learn more about ourselves. He said he's definitely open to the idea of rekindling our relationship again. We hung out the whole night and had a great time, he even slept over. Before I dropped him at work, he kissed me twice very hard and said "I love you and will talk to you later."

    I understand he needs a break and time, but I'm confused. We never set any boundaries of the "break" yesterday and he seems to waver back and forth between actually wanting one. He says he loves me, and I believe him. He still, even yesterday, talks about the future and is very playful and affectionate with me.

    Help! I do not know how to proceed. I love him and do not want to lose him. Any help is greatly appreciated!!

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