Unless if youâ€™ve got a cruel sense of humor, dumping somebody youâ€™re dating isnâ€™t a lot of fun. But even though youâ€™re aching with guilt about wanting to break things off, you have to remember this: itâ€™s your right to end a relationship. In fact, itâ€™s your responsibility. If youâ€™re not happy in a relationship (or donâ€™t see yourself even having a relationship with this guy) you owe it to yourself to break it off and not look back. Sounds harsh, I know, but…thatâ€™s all there is to it.
After Just a Few Dates
If you havenâ€™t been dating a particular guy for long, the whole dumping process is a bit easier. Neither of you should have had a chance to develop a deep emotional attachment (at least, letâ€™s hope he hasnâ€™t!), so the break should be easier. Still, rejection is going to hurt him — guys hate rejection more than just about anything else. So if your main goal is to dump him without making him feel like a piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe, you have a few options.
Donâ€™t call back. This sounds really evil, right? And doing this to a woman is evil. Weâ€™re a lot more hurt by the disappearing man than by the honest one. But for men, the most hurtful injury is the one made to their fragile ego. If you simply donâ€™t return his calls, he can think anything he wants. That youâ€™re in a coma, or suddenly moved away, or gotten back together with an old boyfriend. He doesnâ€™t have to dwell on having been rejected.
Just donâ€™t take this one past the first date or two — if youâ€™ve seen him more than that, ignoring his calls will make you look like a real jerk.
Lie. Want to let him down gently after the first few dates, but canâ€™t stand being the disappearing woman? Lie to him. Tell him that your old boyfriend called up and wants you back, or that youâ€™ve got a new job and donâ€™t have time to date or…something that isnâ€™t about him. Remember that being kind to a man is all about soothing his ego.
Longer Term Relationships
Donâ€™t do it over the phone. Dumping a guy that youâ€™ve been dating awhile over the phone tells him that he means nothing to you. Avoiding personal confrontation is tempting, but donâ€™t give in. If you have to dump him, do it in person.
Give him reasons – but try not to hurt him. Try to be honest with a guy about your reasons for dumping him…but donâ€™t rub salt in the wound. If you have some really insulting reason for dumping him, like heâ€™s terrible in bed, youâ€™ll probably want to sugar coat it a bit (okay, a lot) to make it easier on his ego. However, if there is something concrete he did wrong, lying about it wonâ€™t help him to fix it for his next relationship.
Make yourself the reason. Getting dumped hurts. And getting dumped because of something you did hurts worse. If you blame yourself for the break-up, it might gentle the blow. â€œIâ€™m not ready,â€ or â€œI donâ€™t have time,â€ are both pretty transparent excuses for a break-up, but if a man wants to protect his ego, heâ€™ll accept them.